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March 19, 2005
Crap
I'm really not getting this. I feel like crap, I'm getting weird feelings about people.
How do I know I love someone? What does it mean when someone looks at you in a particular way. I did think I knew all this before, but now, it's all confusing.
We've been put into groups. Serendipity has played it's part and put me with someone I've known since the Landmark Forum. Someone, okay, Becky, since that's her name. And I thought I knew what that meant to me, somehow. But I don't now. I've 5 people I don't know in my current sense of knowing, and yet they've shown that they know me, trust me. So, rather than having feelings for one, Becky, I now have feelings for 5. Mike, Tessa, Tom, Yana, and Becky. What I'm struggling with is that I fancy the pants off the women, and think the guys are the best blokes in the world. But I've only known them for 2 days.
Perhaps "fancy the pants" and "best blokes" aren't real things and are something we've given meaning to as a culture.
You can read, dear reader, that my head is hurting over this. I'm feeling physically sick and confused. I want to throw up, I have a headache, and my neck is as stiff as a board.
I'm off to bed now. Doubt I'll be getting any more sleep. Last night was crap too, tonight is worse.
Posted by alan at March 19, 2005 01:31 AM
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