Babysitting my nephew has become more of a tactical exercise since the inclusion of a labrador puppy.
She is still very young and is fed regularly. Just after she eats she needs to go outside to make room for all that food in her insides, if you get me.
The dog eats at five, the boy eats at half past. [...]
Trying to stop a dog sniffing your crotch whilst on a period is like trying to wipe chocolate off the fingers of an enthusiastic three year old.
Our hotel reservation has been cancelled.
No National Fireworks Championships for us this year.
You’d best take me to Whitby, then.
Can we get some sparklers and sit on the beach?
It was a long journey for a small boy. He was getting bored. Thankfully the roadworks came just in time.
‘Oh look, it’s a digger’
What colour is it? asks Auntie Flossie
‘It’s an orange digger’
There were more:
‘It’s a roller’
And then some:
‘It’s another digger’
‘Oh, look, another digger’
Is that a JCB? I ask
‘No, it’s a digger’
‘Look, a dumper; two [...]
I have just applauded youtube. You know why.
Thank you xkcd.
Someone I work with has started dating a guy who grew up in my village. She was surprised I didn’t know him. I claimed that being five years younger than me I probably threw stones at him in the local park.
Then again, by the time he was going to the park on his own they’d [...]
The news is out. Once I’d told my line manager, the word spread.
Curiously, everyone seems to think that I’m doing it to be closer to you. I don’t see why they come to this conclusion: has nobody realised that long distance relationships are a binary concept. You are either together or not. With this in [...]
‘You should be a politician’
That’s an insult, right?
One day, you’ll share a summer solstice sunrise as beautiful as this with me:
Just not this year, huh.
Let’s face it, most of the time 400 miles sucks. Just not usually as bad as it does today.
I need to sit with you and talk things through. I need to look into your eyes and understand that it will be alright and that sometimes decisions aren’t meant to be easy. I need your presence [...]