Flossie's Tales » Banter

Office dilemma

flossie — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:58:52 +0000

One of my colleagues never drinks coffee, however her fledgeling relationship is improving her coffee manufacturing abilities:

If I make a coffee for my boyfriend before work, he only ever takes a sip or two and I end up throwing the rest away.

Why don’t you only make half a mug?

That won’t work. Half a mug will cool faster. He’ll finish it and wish he’d had a full mug.

Hmm. Which is better. Two sips and sated or half a mug and wanting more?

Overwritten?

flossie — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 14:56:54 +0000

You appear to have missed the entire point, my darling. I was having way too much cliche’d fun. Let there be no adjective left unturned. I even went back to add a few more in, just for bad measure.

Overwritten.

Tsk.

On the advice of strangers

flossie — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:25:05 +0000

I needed new sunglasses and, if I’m heading to Milan in a heatwave, it was better sooner than later.

In the shop there was an enormous choice, but I am notoriously bad at choosing anything to suit me. The main reason I wear contact lenses is that I’ve never fully forgiven myself for the purple and green specs I had in the 6th form.

I walked up and down the aisle, and I swear seven people chose their frames and moved on in the time before I had found one set that I liked. I picked them up, along with their free case.

Then I saw the cases on the next display. They were really stylish. A nice shade of green with a swanky zip. I started looking at those sunglasses instead. Before I knew it I had two pairs to choose from, but I wasn’t sure if I only liked one pair because the case was so nice.

Two of the shop assistants walked by so I asked their opinions.

‘Oooh, those. Definitely.’ they said pointing to the first pair ‘The others make you look like Dame Everage.’

So when you next wish to tease me about my choice of protective eyewear, just remember: It could have been worse, OK?

Doctor knows best

flossie — Sun, 31 May 2009 12:39:54 +0000

TSD came into the kitchen as I was pouring coffee.

She was dressed in athletic looking gear and was wiring herself up to her iPod.

I offered her a coffee but she was heading off for a run. I looked out of the window to the sun streaming in, baking hot. I look at her fair, Scottish skin.

‘in the midday sun?’ I question.

‘Factor 50′ she replied.

My eyebrows raise. ‘not good enough’.

‘I’m well hydrated, and if I don’t go now I’ll lost the impetus’

I lift my hands in defeat. ‘You’re the doctor’.

‘And when I say ‘run’, it’s usually more of a brisk walk’. She added.

I’m not exactly convinced.

The next Top Shop model?

flossie — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:52:43 +0000

My extra-tall housemate has found himself a new girlfriend.

We met her tonight. She is almost as tall as he is. She is really slim to go with it. Extremely so.

After they walked out of the kitchen together TSD turned to me:

‘So there are people that fit the Top Shop jeans, then. Who knew?’

Things I never expected to overhear #49

flossie — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:32:34 +0000

On walking through a Newcastle park in April:

‘This place is just like Paris’.

On flirtation

flossie — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 10:52:49 +0000

One of my housemates is often a little bit cheeky, but has always been pretty shy with the ladies. I’m glad to say being in a blossoming relationship is doing him the world of good.

We’re cooking a house meal today, one where we team together to put a 4 course meal on the table.

He knocked on the door of his team mate to no avail. She was still asleep.

When she wakes she’s surprised that he’s started cooking already. ‘You should have let me know’ she says.

‘I did knock, this morning, but there was no answer’

‘Oh, you know when you’re half asleep and you’re not sure if you’re still dreaming or not.’

‘No darling, you weren’t dreaming. It really was me’ He replied.

On management material

flossie — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 10:45:07 +0000

We were going to an event in an outlying town, my colleagues and I. One of my colleagues brought a friend along for the ride. The trouble was we only had the name of a landmark. I tried looking it up on the web, but no maps nor descriptions of its location.
I drove to the town and parked centrally.
There was no sign of the landmark.
As we walked past a bus stop I spotted a map. It told us where we were and where we wanted to go.
Bingo.
As we turned to walk away I pulled my phone from my pocket and snapped the picture.

They all nodded approval.
The friend turned to my colleague. ‘*That’s* why she’s the boss’

Things I never expected to overhear #72

flossie — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:12:21 +0000

Nothing says I love you like a spam pizza.

The neverending wardrobe

flossie — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 01:27:04 +0000

One of the stylish young things almost ruined a pair of shoes yesterday, wading through Diet Coke. This morning she came to work in Wellington boots.

‘Ah, no shoe collection is complete without a pair of wellies’ I said.

She replied. ‘Honey. no shoe collection is *ever* complete’.